• Feeling: achy and breaky
• Listening to: “Jack the ripper (live)” – Morrissey
• The weather outside: 292 Kelvins
• Word of the day: Lethologica

First up, thank you for the kind comments I received on my last entry – it meant more to me than you probably realize. Rest assured I am feeling substantially less self-pitying than I was earlier in the week, so let’s get back to happy things now, like sunshine, lollipops and shirtless Morrisseys.

Or maybe I’ll just behave myself and talk about the disgracefully sirenic lure of consumerism purveyed by fashion magazines.

I got a free copy of Shop magazine on Thursday, which is an Australian fashion magazine that’s slightly less ridiculous than say, Vogue and Harper’s Bazaar, but really, that’s not saying much. Amongst articles dealing with oh-so-deep and meaningful topics like who’s wearing what in Hollywood and how to wear double denim (here’s a novel idea: put your arms through the sleeves and step into the jeans feet-first! Why hasn’t anyone thought of this yet?!), there are literally hundreds of (if not a thousand or more) “featured buys”, ranging from clothes and shoes to cushions and fake deer heads to mount on your wall (what the…?). I have very little interest in fashion, so mostly I skipped through all that, but I couldn’t help but notice a few…interesting buys. For example, we have these Prada keyrings (see right). Fancy a guess at how much one of these things will set you back? $270 AUD. Seriously! (For the record, $1 AUD usually somewhere around $0.85 USD, £0.55, €0.70.) What I find the most amusing is that if they weren’t made by Prada and the exact same thing was being sold in boxes at the supermarket check-out, you could probably pick one up for $2.70, not $270! The rest of the magazine is chock-full of other atrociously priced items too: socks costing $198 per pair (seriously?! They’re socks!), a $190 thermos (yes, a thermos – like you take tea/coffee to the office in!), Hermès dinner plates for $145 apiece, and not to mention an exorbitantly priced Ralph Lauren satchel that will set you back a tidy $3995. Honestly, how can anyone justify buying a handbag for nearly $4,000 when there are people who can’t even afford to buy food?

To be fair to Shop magazine though, it’s not a complete throwaway – I’ve got it wedged under my bedroom door now to stop it from blowing closed in the wind. And who knows? If I ever decide to start using the fireplace again, it would probably be good kindling.

Moving on though, I’ve become obsessed these past few days with “babelizing” text at Lost in Translation. The basic idea is that you submit a piece of English text in the textbox and it translates it to several European languages and back to English again between each one, so that after 10 consecutive translations it becomes quite distorted. I stumbled upon it through a game at the Morrissey-Solo Forums, and I thought I’d have a bit of fun with it here too. Want to guess what the following phrases were originally?

1. Fetthaltig of Ingualmente goes, where there is no front part of the man.
2. It’ Hip of S to his with the right he angle.
3. We’ The right excluded the function, to the Magiers, the Magier the end to consider the ounce narcotic!
4. The unique method of débarasser a temptation more is to pay.
5. The USA the cleaned underclothes, if approximately in the slide bars you were worked ignited.
6. Herzlichst of the invitation, the end to feel to her in Morrissey!
7. Ingualmente descodificam hard, isn’ of these things; T?

Don’t worry, I’m not going to ask you to answer in the comments. (I get the feeling I’d be better off sticking with survey questions after the last quiz I posted!). Scroll down to the end of the entry to see the translations.

Ahem! After you finish reading the rest of my enthralling entry, k?

So, what else? Right…new additions to the poetry section. Oh, I know, you’re all so dreadfully sick of my soporific, pseudo-poetic rambling! I’m still posting them though on the odd chance someone actually does read them. Wine and hemlock, A tragic comedy, Off the spectrum, A cup of ice for Van Gogh’s ear, Bequeathed and Oh, Joe are all new. Teasers below (of course), picked simply because I like the name of the first one (hehe) and the second I find amusing, not just because it’s so frighteningly corny, but because I know who it was written for.

A cup of ice for Van Gogh’s ear

herein this room there lies
a gaping abyss nine feet wide
nine circles into madness
spiralling like saliva
and toothpaste down the drain
while white teeth glisten black

each unblinking face has four voices,
maybe five
a cacophony of spite and love perverse
to be arranged into syllables
soaked in wine and vinegar
to be filed and sealed with dewy dots
and if they crash into your fragile mind
you will remain unscarred

Oh, Joe

ignite the senses but dull the pain
a love to keep me safe and warm
I feel you coursing through my veins
to give me strength
and open my eyes to the world
my lips have never touched
such bitter sweetness
oh, what a shallow life I’d live
without you

I’ve been overcome this week with an urge to write letters to people. I know snail mail is so passé de mode, but there’s a certain quaint charm to it, don’t you think? I’m quite positive I’m not the only person who still likes to write letters and get real paper mail in the post (besides the ones that start with “Our records indicate your XYZ account is now 14 days overdue…”). Basically what I’m saying is I want an old-fashioned penpal (or two, or three, or seventeen…). Any takers? I’ll give you a cookie! (Literally, if you’d like – I’ll send one with my first letter! ) If anyone’s interested, please let me know (aly@geek-tragedy.net, FYI) and we’ll exchange addresses. I promise I’m not a serial killer.

Well, I’m afraid we’re out of time for tonight’s show, folks. I’ll be back sometime next week with more trash and treasure from the Alyverse! Adios amigos. Be excellent to each other!

Oops, nearly forgot the translations for the babelized texts. Here you go!
1. To boldly go where no man has gone before.
2. It’s hip to be square.
3. We’re off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!
4. “The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it” (a quote from ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’).
5. Wear clean underwear, in case you are hit by a bus.
6. I earnestly beseech you to listen to Morrissey!
7. Hard to decipher these things, isn’t it?

My lovely commentors: Simply Precious, Shiri, Julie, Sandalwood, Monkee, Charley & Brandy. <3 (A bit behind on the comments, sorry! Will start returning them tomorrow.)

• Feeling: a bit stressed
• Listening to: “Whip it” – Devo
• The weather outside: 299 Kelvins
• Mantra of the day: I doubt, therefore I might be

If you don’t know what “jIyajbe’ tlhlngan” means (*gasp* how could you not?), it’s Klingon for “I don’t understand Klingon”. Sure, my (fake) resume claims I speak it fluently, but like most people, I was just lying to improve my (imaginary) job prospects. I am starting to learn a few phrases here and there though, thanks to The Klingon language institue and Hol ‘ampaS – I can say nuqneH, qaStaH nuq? (meaning “Hello, what’s happening?”), but more importantly, essential phrases like nuqjatlh?, jIyajbe’ and nuqDaq ‘oH puchpa”e’ (“Huh?”, “I don’t understand” and “Where is the bathroom?” respectively), which should help me somewhat if I ever end up lost in Kronos and need to pee. Unfortunately though, my pronounciation is positively horrendous. All the sounds that require unusual mouth and tongue movements seem to come out sounding like a footballer spitting on the field at half-time, or worse, no sound comes out at all. Maybe I should stick to learning French. *sigh* Though the sad thing is that I actually know almost as much Klingon now as I do French…so you can imagine it’s not much at all. Oh well, best yet would probably be perfecting my English, lol. Heavens knows I should try to master that first, haha.

Back to more earthly matters though, I had my (Dis)Orientation Day at uni last Thursday. Even though I’m not actually a first-year student, it’s my first year studying science at this university, so I went along anyway and tried to blend in. I actually did have to be there for a while to go to a lab safety seminar (which I’d been told was a lab safety test, but apparently the only on-campus bit was a boring seminar and the test was just an easy online quiz – sweet!). As well as the lab safety seminar (during which I embarrassed myself by tripping down the steps in the lecture theatre – way to stay safe, huh?), I also went to the faculty & lab tour, and attended an information session for the commencing biomed students. I was quite shocked to see how few people are actually studying this course (there would have been a couple of hundred people at the general science faculty sessions, but there would probably only be 30-35 biomed students, tops), but the info session itself was actually really interesting…and dare I say, exciting! I must have looked like such a dork, sitting there with this look of rapture as the professor told us about her research (she’s growing a human heart from adult stem cells – how kickass is that?!) and about all the other projects going on in the biomed community. It was really motivating, and I’m so glad I went to that as well as just the compulsory lab safety thing.

One interesting thing I did note when we were looking at these electron microscopy pictures, is that up close (very very close!), a white blood cell looks exactly like a Raffaelo chocolate. No kidding, the resemblance is quite amazing! I don’t know how widespread the popularity of Raffaelo chocolates is though (they’re made by the company that makes Ferrero Rocher and so forth), so I got some pictures from Google Images and put them side by side for you to compare.

Cool, huh? There were some other really cool electron microscopy pictures we saw too, including some really pretty colourful ones that remind me of those fractal graphics people make in Photoshop, but I couldn’t find the same ones online. Bummer…I wanted to use one for my desktop background, hehe.

Anyway, moving on, I’ve updated the poetry section today. Yes, yet again! What’s left behind, Murdering a dead man, Zoo, Senseless, The whole house is an attic, Tearing down the sky and Requiem for Lana are all new, and as expected, the usual teaser. I’ve been watching U2′s Zoo Tour, lol.

Zoo

I believe you, do you believe me?
we’re going to watch the world end
on a big plasma screen TV
and with high definition audio
the trumpet sounding will be
crystal clear
so clear!

I believe you, do you believe me?
I place my trust in the hands of politicians
and oh, I know that when I hunger
they will feed me
all the sweet lies that keep me nourished
and when I’m ill it will only be because
I put my tick in the wrong box
my mistake!

I believe you, do you believe me?
there’s a golden star within my reach
if I pay the price they’re asking
and I will walk with flowers
blooming at my feet
if I wear that shade of lipstick
and drink their brand of cola

I believe you, do you believe me?
please stop it if you do
because everything I know is wrong

And before I go, a few more questions for you.

1. Random question: Do you ever dunk food in your coffee (or tea)?
2. Another random question: What is your favourite cartoon strip? (Online or print)
3. tlhIngan Hol Dajatlh’a'?

Must start getting stuff ready for class tomorrow now. The first day of semester always makes me so nervous! Adios amigos. Be excellent to each other!

My lovely commentors: Vanessa, Jessica, Simply Precious, Deanna, Kate, Caity, Jamie, Julie, Mary, Tiff K & Rachel.